Are they Identical?

So we took the kids to Sam's Club today. Always a safe trip. The kids love it, they get samples and goodies and the carts are extra wide so the kids can sit side by side up front. Our trip reminded me of just a few of the funny questions and comments we get when we're out and about with Chance and Luci.

"Are they identical?"

I start by saying if you are, in fact, one of the countless people who have stopped me in the grocery store, SAM's, Target, etc. to oogle my kids and ask this question, I mean you no disrespect. Honestly, in my prideful way, I love the attention. But it's time for me to clear the air. It is genetically and physically impossible for a boy and girl to be identical twins no matter how much they look alike. In the words of that cute little kid on kindergarten cop, "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina." Enough said?

Now I will give you ooglers some credit. My kids do not make it a habit of displaying their boy/girl parts in public (at least not as of this writing) and my 16 month-old daughter does have substantionally less hair than her twin brother. In reality, it's barely more than peach fuzz and she could I guess be mistaken for a boy. However, I take back all that grace if she does, at the time said question is asked, have on a pink dress, pink socks and/or pink shoes.

I will also say that I find this question even more odd because Luci has bright red hair and blue eyes and Chance has brown hair and brown eyes.

Oogler, "Are they identical?"
Me, "Um...are you looking at the same two kids that I am looking at?"

Which also leads to another question we get asked frequently, which I understand much more than the "identical" question.

Oogler, "How far are they apart?"
Me, "They're twins."
Oogler, "Really? They don't look anything alike."
Me, "Really?"

Or we get the complete opposite...

Oogler, "Are they twins?"
Me, "Why, yes they are."
Oogler, "Oh I can tell, they look just alike!"

I don't mean to sound snippy and Jeremy and I do get lots of chuckles with these situations. I think some people tell us they think our kids look alike because maybe they think that's what we want to hear or something. I don't know...at times I can see the family resemblance, but they in no way look just alike. In any event, my kids are 100% biologically mine, they were conceived at the same time, I did carry them in my womb at the same time, deliver them at the same time. Yes, they are twins. Yes, they are totally separate and unique beings created in the image of God. I get that this whole twin thing can be somewhat confusing: Identical vs. Fraternal. I thought I could give you the simplified version in my own words to make it easier.

Identical Twins = 1 egg, 1 sperm, 1 fertilization. The fertilized egg then splits into two identical cells. These babies will look exactly alike; they have the same DNA and are ALWAYS the same gender. There is no "running in the family" for identical twins and it is not caused by fertility drugs. It truly is just a random happening of mother nature...but governed by God's divine hand.

Fraternal Twins = 2 or more eggs and 2 or more sperm. Each egg fertilized by it's own private, personal sperm. These babies may or may not look similar, but no more or less than any brother or sister would; they have their own unique DNA. Fraternal twins do "run in the family" but only on the mother's side. They are conceived when a mother ovulates, whether randomly in nature or by the use of fertility meds, more than one egg at a time. Also governed by God's divine hand.

In our case, utilizing In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF), I was given Rocket Fuel (a.k.a. fertility drugs) to hyperstimulate my ovaries to produce many, many eggs. Those eggs were surgically extracted from my body and put into a petri dish. Add a good healthy dose of sperm from Jeremy to the dish, and we had 8 fertilized eggs. Octuplets! Well not really...but 8 little lives were created from our union. We had to decide how many we wanted to transfer originally. We chose two as is the standard of care in most IVF protocols. So we knew we were risking twins up front. And we knew they were in fact two seperate babies.

Having said that, it is possible that one of more of our embies could have split after the transfer leaving us with a set of identical twins along with a 3rd brother or sister. (I can't even go there...) Or one of the original embryos could have died in-utero shortly after the transfer before implanting in my uterus at the same time the other embryo was splitting, leaving us with identical twins. You get the picture...it's all a matter of multiplication and division...blah, blah, blah. So it's not necessarily a given that if you do IVF and you transfer two embies and are pregnant with twins that they are fraternal and the same two babies you transferred into your womb. Have I totally confused and lost you?

OB's and Perinatalogists can sometimes determine in-utero whether twins are fraternal or identical based on their gestational sacs. Identical twins can share the same sac and the same placenta but fraternal twins always have their own seperate sac but sometimes can appear to have one placenta if the two have fused together. Already knowing I was high risk for having twins, we were pleased when we had what we suspected confirmed with our first pregnancy that our twins were fraternal with their own sacs and placentas because it is a far safer pregnancy that the single sac single placenta identical alternative. Another random fact I never knew about the difficulties of carrying identical twins.
So I guess this post has just been for me to vent a little bit about the funny questions I get asked being a mommy of multiples, but I love every minute of it. Hopefully, maybe, you have learned a little bit more about twin-life. Having kids that look so different makes me wonder what this little baby I'm carrying now might look like. Red hair or Brown?...hmmm...hopefully we'll find out in 34 more weeks! Thank you Lord for your multiplied blessings.