Bittersweet Goodbyes.

When we had our initial IVF cycle, we ended up with 5 embryos. Chance & Luci were the first two transferred back to me. For the last two years we have had three of those babies in Dr. Wilshire's freezer. Two of those babies are now in heaven and the final one is snuggling nicely with mommy again...9w5d old. This means that all of my babies are now right where they are supposed to be, either with me here on earth, or with the Lord in heaven. I have no more babies in Dr. Wilshire's freezer...and that makes me very happy. I knew going into this most recent transfer that regardless of the outcome, our family would be complete afterwards. That we would not be pursuing any additional fertility treatments.

Today I had my final appointment, ever, with Dr. Wilshire. I don't think I have properly expressed my feelings for this man and the huge gratitude I will always have for him. I ultimately give the credit to God for the family he has given us, but I will never be able to thank Dr. Wilshire enough for his role in bringing our family to life. He was an answer to prayer. So saying goodbye to him and his staff today was harder than I thought. I actually cried.

It's such a relief to NOT have to go back in that office again as a patient, even better, to be released on such a high note and carrying this precious miracle with me. Yet it is sad to think I will not be going in that office anymore. I'm sure we'll take the kids in to visit...but that is easier

said than done. I said I would bring the kids to the NICU also to visit all the people who cared for them and that I feel so indebted to but it still hasn't happened and they are almost two years old! Shame on me.

So today's appointment was bittersweet...but thankfully just a little bitter and the rest joyfully sweet. Our baby is doing just great! I'm 9w5d's today and baby measured exactly 9w5d's with his little heart just fluttering away. Got a great picture of him/her...here it is...Cute little nubby arms and all. LOVE it!

Today, I feel like I am actually going to have a baby! And I have just been smiling all day.

Thank you Lord.

Heartbeat.

A beating heart is a beautiful...miraculous...thing and today we saw our baby's.

What a gift!

Thank you God.

7w5d...and another picture. Happy Birthday Aunt Leslie.

Flicker...

Today was our first ultrasound of the baby. We were so happy to see a healthy looking gestational and yolk sac, along with the very, very faintest flicker of a heartbeat coming from the fetal pole. Still too early to tell for sure if that was the heartbeat but I believe it was. Wikipedia says you can see the fetal pole via vaginal ultrasound as early as 6 weeks and that it is possible to see the heartbeat at that time, although more commonly the heartbeat is not visable for another 5-7 days. We go back on Sept. 17th. I'll be 7 weeks 5 days at that time and should be able to see the heartbeat for sure. So another hurdle jumped and we wait for the next one.


I feel good. No symptoms yet although I would welcome them to give me reassurance that this is really happening. My heart is opening up more but still very guarded. It still doesn't seem to have totally sunk in yet that we are having another baby.

Here is our little "guy" at 5w6d. I'm saying BOY, Jeremy is saying GIRL...either way, we are surely blessed.

Let everything that has breath (or a flicker...:) praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6