Sewing Buttons.

Several months ago, my husband Jeremy pointed out that he had a couple of shirts that needed buttons sewn on. I remember looking at him like, "yeah right, I'll get to that someday." (Did I mention I have three kids, three and under, one of which was born this year, 10 days after we moved into a new house, which we are still in the process of remodeling and I still don’t have completely unpacked…8 months later?)

I didn't think much of his request for me to sew on these buttons and quite frankly remember being slightly offended that he would even ask me with all I had going on. He for sure had many other shirts to wear. He wasn't running around naked and it just wasn't a priority to me in the grand scheme of things I had going on day to day.

A few more times since, he has patiently pointed out that his shirt needed a button sewn on and would I have time to do that for him? Again, I just blew him off as for awhile I had no idea where my needle and thread even were and did not have the motivation to dig around in storage for my sewing things. In the meantime, I've made meals for friends with growing families, served in my ministry group, answered emails and worked on projects for my mothers of multiples club and who knows how many other things outside of my own home, but had still not sewn on his buttons.

Now, it's not like he was asking me to re-invent thread or fashion a needle out of raw steel. It was 2 buttons on 2 shirts. And it's also not like I've done nothing else to care for him and our children in the last 3 months but as of last night I had still NOT sewn these buttons on. The shirts were still hanging in the same spot at the front of his closet where he had left them months before.

I believe it is God’s calling for us to serve Him by serving one another. However, for me it has always also been a blessing. A way to make myself feel good. A way to gain some recognition that maybe I don't always get at home when I serve my husband and kids. So I’m writing from the perspective that it is a privilege to serve others. That being said, I have started to realize that many times I serve others and, indirectly myself, at the expense of my family. And for those of you whom I have served a meal, or helped in anyway...I love doing that, but I think you'll understand where I'm coming from.

This morning, in the midst of reflecting for the New Year, I saw Jeremy’s shirts and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't have a right to serve others outside of our home until I first serve my husband and my family. It's not a matter of being selfish or slacking off or being lazy and not serving others. It's a matter of priorities.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I want my kids to learn that life is NOT all about them; that we are called to sacrifice for others. I know there will be times when God truly calls us as a family to sacrifice in order to serve another family or our church. But when, consistently, I'm asking my husband and my kids to sacrifice and my home and family life suffer because I'm just too busy to be the patient mom and wife God calls me to be, that’s a problem. 

Now this button situation is a small thing but there are so many other examples, it's sad to say. I realize how many other times I really do put other's and my own needs, ahead of my family’s. I can try to blame my busy-ness on serving others and being over committed but that really is only half of it for me. Satan uses the ruse that somehow what I’m doing is serving my family. But there are a hundred little distractions of my own making in my own home that pull me from my family. Let’s be honest. Did my husband and kids really benefit from or truly appreciate the six full tubs of Christmas decorations I spent uncountable hours dragging out and around the house? My time would have been better spent snuggling with one or all of my kids, reading the Word and maybe, just maybe, I would have had time to sew on my husband’s buttons.

As a mom of young kids, I’m realizing I need to give myself grace for this season in our lives with young kids. We moms need to not feel guilty about saying NO to service opportunities...we need to help each other to stay focused on God, our husbands, our kids and yes OURSELVES. But I also have to ask more discipline of myself to say NO to some of my selfish desires like excessive fretting and busyness around the house. I confess my house is an idol for me in many ways.

I know there is a certain amount of stress and craziness that comes with this stage of life and having small kids, but I still can't help but think that God does not intend for things to be this way. If I don't have time to sew 2 buttons on my husband’s shirt or have a quiet time with the Lord or take my kids outside to play on a gorgeous day without stressing about the things I should be doing inside, then I am just too busy.

That means this year...

*I will only put out 3 tubs of Christmas decorations instead of 6.

*I've got to be OK that I bought Anni, my 8 month old, store bought baby food here and there (organic, but store bought).

*I need to have fewer clothes in my closet and my kid’s closets to choose from to wear each day. The time I spend trying to decide what to wear and changing clothes is SERIOUSLY absurd! 

*I'm taking boxes of things to goodwill weekly instead of letting them pile up for the sake of having a garage sale where I might make $200 bucks but spend 40+ hours getting ready and a whole weekend for the sale. Why is it that there can be such satisfaction in a garage sale when there really is so little profit or return on time investment? I'll take the tax deduction instead and a completely clutter free garage and storage area; no matter how much I think I can sell something for. Or I'll just put it on Craigslist.

*I'm throwing away the pile of cooking/home decor/home improvement mags and torn out catalog pages that I collect because they have good ideas in them that I want to try around the house because they are only making me feel inadequate, unaccomplished and overwhelmed.

*For the most part, I'm staying off blogs and Pinterest for the same reason. I have enough unfinished things around the house to keep me busy all year. I don't need any new ideas (insert recipes/fashion tips/decor) to make me feel unsatisfied with the way things are in my home.

*I'm saying NO more, or at least not being the one to step up and volunteer for things, no matter how small they seem or how much I think it would be fun, or how well I think I could manage a project etc.

*I'm giving myself and my family the grace to SAY NO to anything NEW...for a whole year.

*I'm staying off FB.

*I want to spend more time with fewer people.

I'm taking baby steps.

So today...I sewed on buttons.